436: Bus Ride Home (Flash Fiction)

436: Bus Ride Home (Flash Fiction) 

The young girl boarded the bus and sat close to the back, holding her dark blue satchel close to her body as slow romantic music played in her ears. It drowned out the sounds of the outside world as she waited for the bus to pull away from the curb. She cast a glance through the rain-soaked window, wondering what kind of dinner would be waiting for her at home. The home she had grown to feel more and more detached from, a home she called a mental prison instead. The mealtimes were all she looked forward to…

As the bus halted at a major stop, she watched as the passengers boarded the bus. An older businessman who looked like he was ready to retire, his wrinkled suit and tired, weathered face a testament to that possible fact. A young Asian couple, groceries in hand, chatting quietly between themselves in a foreign language. A lone student with stained uniform and downcast eyes, lost in his own music just as she was. And many more came, filling the bus to nearly capacity. No one sat next to her.

When the bus pulled away again, she began to watch the old businessman. He had his phone out and was scrolling mindlessly, perhaps on some social media platform she did not care about. His glazed eyes, his partially open mouth, his large, smooth hands, salt and pepper hair, wrinkles lining his face. Entranced by the slow music in her ears, which was now on a loop, she drew her eyes towards the young couple, their groceries sitting at their feet and in their lap. They chatted quietly with that special glimmer in their eyes, the kind only reserved for lovers. A small brew of sadness stirred in her heart as she created a little world for them, a story of tempestuous romance – no, perhaps not. A story of a pair of simple lovers who loved simply. The best kind of story. One that she desired, but could not yet have.

Her attention was brought away from the couple when the bus took a sharp turn, and she gripped the seat in front of her to steady herself. She was approaching her stop. Once the bus halted again, she wrapped her satchel around her body and stepped off gently, inhaling the bitter cold air and rubbing her bare arms instinctively. Dinner was waiting for her at home. The little world of that pair of simple lovers was lost on her as she walked down the long road, feeling cold, lonely, disappointed.

 

–I guess I call it flash fiction instead of drabble. I’m not sure. Let’s give this kind of thing a go. Wrote this for a small writing competition held on a public Discord server I joined about a week ago, maybe less. Nice community. I hope it gets me writing more, like an escape from my current, shitty predicament.

 

 

~ Serendipitous

 

435:

435:

I can’t remember the last time I cried this hard. Maybe in April over some poor guy I used to date. Maybe when I failed one of my exams this year. I don’t know. I fucking hate my life. Of course it’s going to get better so I’m not resorting to anything terrible at the moment, but god damn sometimes I feel like I want to. I feel so helpless and useless.

yeah well fuck life. I’ll just live how I want starting today. I’ll do a bit of study but that’s about it.

 

~ Serendipitous

434: Rut (Lapse)

434: Rut (Lapse) 

I will post a bit more today, maybe another post or two. Just an update on my life, I guess. It sucks. I’m tired. I still have a chance of making dental school, but I feel so shit and oppressed. I’m angry at how flawed the education system is but of course nothing can be done about it.

Graduation is just a month away. Damn. I better find some motivation around about yesterday in order to pick myself up.

But all I want to do is wallow in my pit of sadness and endlessly berating myself.

 

~ Serendipitous

433: Post-Trials Depression (Lapse)

433: Post-Trials Depression (Lapse)

Wow, it’s been a while. Yeah I was having Trials and life among other things. I think this year I will give NaNoWriMo a go again, something about a dream sequence.

Life is shit. Hahaha…I’m trying to pick up my creativity again with my thought journal but it’s just a lot of repressed sexual tension and frustration and being constantly worried for my future.

I deleted the app. I think I found a few I’m happy to talk to on a regular basis, which is nice, but I shouldn’t lose sight of my end goal. Yes, that’s right. Ok. I need to have some non-zero days and comfort myself with endless re-runs of Game of Thrones and so much food. Oh man.

I can feel that pre-trials depression creeping up on me, except it has a new name. Post-trials depression.

UNLUCKY

 

~ Serendipitous

432: Calming

432: Calming

Just taking a moment out of my shit storm of a fortnight to post about something, anything, my feelings.

OMG I saw my ex outside the train station yesterday before I went to do UMAT! I guess he changed to the morning session after we broke up. Fair enough, to avoid seeing me, although that might not have worked out. I had it in mind to approach him and say hello, but I realised that maybe it was wrong to. He had the horrible gut feeling about me the whole time. I’m sorry. I don’t even know if you come to read my posts anymore. If you still read though, I would be up for a small chat after August 3. But if you don’t get in touch, that’s okay too. Life goes on.

I’ve let go of Kemple a little bit, the emotional investment has been withdrawn, and deposited in others. Or nobody, really. I haven’t thought about a guy for so long. I met some interesting ones elsewhere, but eh, we’ll see how things play out.

Today I’m 18 years and 3 months old! Oh my gosh I’ve been eighteen for three months!!! And I’ve experienced so many things that I would’ve never let seventeen year old me experience, but damn am I a changed person. Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of attention somewhere and it’s becoming cheap entertainment for me. I should probably get rid of the app, haha.

Trials are over soon!! Yay!! And UMAT was ok but I probably did trash anyway!! And I’m almost about to graduate!!!

That’s funny. What happens when you ghost the ghost of your past?

 

~ Serendipitous

431: Phantasmagoria

431: Phantasmagoria

My favourite word.

Currently not sure how to feel about my predicament. Basically five days out from Trials and seven days from UMAT and I basically feel like shooting myself in the foot. My wanderlust has more or less increased in magnitude. I really still want to go to dental school next year, but I’m losing motivation to jump over these last three hurdles first (Trials, UMAT, external HSC). There’s so much I want to do, yet nothing I want to do. I’m living a mixture of a dream and a nightmare.

Yesterday a ghost from my past asked me out. As soon as I saw the words on the screen I felt pretty shaken up. I haven’t seen this guy in a few years as far as I can remember. Actually he saw me on Sunday, but I didn’t see him. I had a bad feeling about how things would turn out, so I turned him down. I thought about it for a bit afterwards and said I wouldn’t mind giving a relationship with him a go after HSC, but today I think it’s better to leave him in the past and move on. I don’t think I could handle a long distance relationship. Even with my plans to go interstate next year and he’d be staying back to finish his degree…yeah no.

Just in a weird headspace right now. Like my life is a phantasmagoria of simultaneously wonderful and regretful experiences. I never thought I’d be so unmotivated and so listless the week before Trials.

 

~ Serendipitous

 

430: Who Do You Love?

430: Who Do You Love?

I’m convinced I’ve found the perfect song for sad slow dancing or just being sad in general. This is something I’d hear late at night in a bar drinking my sorrows away and frankly, it’s perfect. While I may not understand the lyrics (which I’m going to look up after I finish writing this post), I am absolutely in love with this song. The visuals are great as well, it really does complement the song but I’m here for the song. Oh man, the feels T_T it’s perfect for taking a stroll around the city and embracing city life, wondering what your life could be in the day time and just having feely thoughts all around. This song makes me realise I’m eighteen. Just over eighteen and two months. What a time to be alive, honestly.

 

~ Serendipitous