11: Hearts (written 19 August 2015) [WARNING: heavily omitted sections will result in sequential events not making sense]
You were thinking just now about what it would be like to be kissed, to have your first kiss, o be loved, to be safe and secure in the arms of someone who loves you. You were thinking of letting go, AGAIN, and you were thinking of yesterday. … Digging around inside yourself mentally again, you come up with several emotions that clash almost impossibly: emptiness, absolute raging jealousy, indifference, acceptance. Why acceptance you don’t really know, but you’re looking at them out of the corner of your eye and-
Curse her. Curse curse curse. Cut forward several minutes and-
The words that came out of your mouth are meaningless, lifeless, empty, devoid of emotion, but she mustn’t have noticed.
You’re counting the seconds, but they’re taking too long. What’s infuriating is that you’ll never know what really happened-…- and unspeakable rage consumes you like wildfire…but those seconds were so long
Seriously, kill yourself.
Curse her curse her curse her, whatever. You’re sick of dealing with this shit, like really really sick of it. So sick of it. Really sick of her shit. Very sick. I can’t believe it’s turning out this way..
One day you’re going to skip *********** and he’s going to wonder why for all of 2 seconds before he sees ******* and then he’s going to forget all about you and even though he’s not the one for you these feelings still exist.
P.S. This is hella real.