18: Scene (it’s not real!) [written 26 October 2015]
He called me yesterday night out of the blue. Actually I did not recognise his voice at all. Perhaps it was because I had not spoken to him for such a long time.
I did not speak for the entirety of the call.
I didn’t need to.
“Hello…I know it’s been a long time, but I need you to know…the first time I saw you, you were with your friends. Even though you were with your friends, you were not there in spirit. Your eyes were distant, vacant, a dim fire within you being snuffed out by something – I wasn’t sure of it then. The next time I saw you, you were alone. You were writing in your notebook and you had a tiny, tiny smile flickering across your face. Your pen danced elegantly across the page and the light that shone from your eyes was realer than anything I’d seen before. You were very different from the first time I saw you. Even so…you were the most beautiful girl, the realest girl I’ll ever know, and I am so sorry I didn’t try hard enough, to give you what you deserved…”
P.S. It’s not real I feel the need to reiterate this for some reason but like it’s not real and it won’t ever be real and I don’t like how it’s not real but at the same time thank god it’s not real because if some guy from my past actually said this to me I wouldn’t know what to do or say??
I live in my head too much, and not enough in the real world.