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Dance performances, ethereal music, otherworldly choreography. Dance has always been a subject of fascination for me. The way people use their bodies to express emotion, language and soulfulness with music is strangely alluring and pleasing to watch.
I saw her in the practice performances today. The only person I could focus on was her, although I held no amicable feelings towards her. I was entranced by her skill, which I unwillingly admit is quite proficient, and I was captivated by the expression and emotion. In that one moment, she was everything I was not. She was beautiful, she was graceful and elegant, and she was skilled. She was the embodiment of so many qualities I could not hope to aspire to or achieve. In that one moment, I was insanely jealous, but also sorrowful. I had harboured so much hatred toward her that I could not see her other qualities without associating contaminants of my imagination with them. Although her performances have not really changed the way I continue to see her, I was …
I don’t know how to finish that sentence. I lost my train of thought thinking something else, sorry?
Somehow, the eerie, ethereal music struck something within me. Melancholia I barely understood and hadn’t experienced in a long time engulfed me. I wasn’t granted the desire to cry, but I felt deeply moved by my self-created negativity. Where had it all come from? Probably from seeing her dance so well, but there were other things involved, too. I’m not in love with him anymore, but I felt that …
Oh dear I’ve lost my train of thought again.
Generally ethereal music I associate with happiness and peace, but today, it was so negative, so eerie, so chilling…how could I hope to ever have a piece of my ethereal ever again without remembering this?