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36: Feelings (legitimate drabble I’m relatively proud of)
You’re standing crookedly, arms limp by your sides. Etched onto your face is a painful frown, accompanied with the wrinkling of your forehead. Rivulets of rainwater soak your hair and make jagged paths down your arms, but you don’t seem to notice this as your eyes are set on the scene unfolding before you. Embarrassment awash with anger colour your cheeks a soft berry red and you feel a wall of tears building up behind your eyelids, ready to burn hot and salty. Your fingernails are digging so deep into the palms of your hand, but you barely register the pain as you take a few steps back, exhale in an exasperated manner, and turn away. Your feet, seemingly made of marble, trudge along the painted lines of the court. Somewhere behind you, a boy shouts your name. You pull up your hood roughly, almost defensively. You complete making your childish path on the painted lines, and then you ascend the steps. The splashes resonate throughout your ears like a cold, unwanted reminder. You close your eyes and you hear the boy shouting again. Hot tears burn behind your eyelids, begging for release, and you grant them this as you break into a run, your feet no longer made of marble, but made of wings for flight.
Arms wrapped around yourself in an attempted warm embrace, you shiver. You’re sitting at a deserted bus stop, waiting for a bus that will never come. Loud music with meaningless lyrics blast through your ears; the only thing tying you to the music is the beat. One leg taps out the beat, and you unconsciously hum the tune of the song with minimal enthusiasm. Adrenalin rushes through every nerve in your body, mixed with the bundle of emotions and feelings you can only associate with abstract nouns like jealousy, sorrow and angst. All unjustifiable feelings, however, for you know that what you have seen should be open to interpretation…
You look up, and you really wish you didn’t look up. Why? Because they’re standing together at a bus shelter opposite yours, and they’re ever so close together. Her sweet and innocent disposition is the very bane of your existence. How could one person bring out so many of your own insecurities? In the pit of your stomach, acid simmers and explodes. Strange tingling sensations dance in your feet, strange tingles you can’t shake off because they’re numb with something that’s not the cold. You stand up so quickly you almost lose your balance, but no one notices. You withdraw deeper into the darkest corner of the bus shelter, willing yourself to be inconspicuous. You feel yourself internally cringing as you see her more than exaggerated public displays of affection towards him, and even though your glasses are speckled with drops of rainwater, you can see that he’s smiling. Heartstrings you never knew existed snap within you and renewed tears begin to trace their path down your face. You pull your hood down your face and you run off in a random direction.
Is it possible to have lost him before you even had a chance with him?