64: Stars in Her Eyes (drabble)
She sat with her best friend by the water, nursing the bundle of her emotions that she held in her lap. Why would he break up so violently with her?
Sitting by the lake and gazing up at the moon, she recalled how the events of the night happened. An invitation to dinner, which she had politely turned down, because she had things on with her best friend (really, it was just time she had set aside for chilling with him, but it was always important). Her boyfriend hadn’t taken it very well. Normally she would accept his beautiful invitations to dinner, but today was just different in so many ways…
“I suppose he was jealous of you,” she said lightly.
He chuckled and leaned back on his hands.
She said nothing, lost in her own thoughts, her own feelings, her memories. She was afraid. She had always been afraid of him. He had turned up to her house and asked her why. It had definitely occurred to her that turning down his invitation would invite (funnily enough) trouble for herself. Why she hadn’t thought of it before today, she didn’t know.
“So you’re not going to say anything?” she asked.
She heard him exhale, but no words came out.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before she suddenly burst into tears. It was completely unexpected, especially for her. She was so used to bottling up her feelings and letting them go when she went to sleep in the form of her balloons, but this time there were no balloons, only-
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.”
She threw herself into his arms and sobbed harder.
“Why me? I…I treated him well, didn’t I?”
“I did, I really did. His…he just didn’t appreciate it.”
“Sweetheart, you can continue to convince yourself-”
She looked up at him. She felt incredibly vulnerable and for the first time in a long time, she felt somewhat glad that-
She didn’t know. She wondered if, with the tears glistening in her eyes and the moon above them, that there might be more stars in her eyes than her ex-boyfriend could ever tell her about.
“Say what?” she said.
“Nothing, it, it doesn’t matter.”
He looked away, and she caught the anguish and yearning in his eyes. She thought about how this would turn out.
“Do you want to say something to me?” she said.
Already she could feel that he wanted to tell her a lot of things. It was funny, how she had known for so long, and how she had subconsciously chosen to stay anyway. She knew he had feelings for her, but it just wasn’t…right.
Well, it wasn’t exactly wrong either.
She pulled away. She envisaged for herself an alternate scene that could have happened, smiling to herself.
Of course maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if she gave her first kiss to him.
P.S. I AM NOT- ok sorry I shouldn’t shout. I am not going to edit this at all and I will look at it when I’m seventeen or eighteen and think what the eff, but I won’t say eff, and I’ll think, why? And of course I’m not going to finish this because maybe there is no point in finishing it. She kisses him or she doesn’t.
Either way all these characters are just reflections of my multiple selves, I suppose. It’s a little weird, a little, off, I suppose. I don’t know. I’m just sixteen and living it through my words.
Poor quality writing, I’m so sorry you had to see this.