193: Mocktail Night 11.05.16 (Wednesday)
Oh my gosh, hello hello!
I don’t have much time (or should I say, enough energy/motivation) to say much about what happened tonight despite it being possibly one of the biggest turning points in my short life.
Essentially, our school student representative council runs a night where some ex-students of the school are invited to come in and talk to senior students about their careers and experiences after high school and in university. I put my name down on the sign-up sheet on the first day the lists were put up. I was expecting to see a lot of ex-students who did medicine, law, engineering, the top careers and jobs and degrees. And there were; that’s not to say that it’s a bad thing because I know there are a lot of girls in the senior school who are aiming for those kinds of jobs and degrees, but I am after something else – dentistry!
I was extremely delighted to hear that one of the alumni was currently working as a dental surgeon. I spent a good ten minutes or so seeking her out among the many alumni there, and when I eventually found her, it was one of the best hours of my life. We talked about her experiences and her time between end of high school up until the present, and I learned so many things from her even though I’d been researching my dream degree and job for a long time. My face now aches from the amount of smiling I’ve done and my stomach is somewhat churning in disgust, mainly because I’ve had an overdose of happiness. Having talked to someone who attended my school and went on to do my dream degree and is happy in her job, I feel like I’ve unlocked another self within me. I’ve opened the door and seen new things that are now a part of my identity. It was a very eye-opening experience. Her words now imbue me with a renewed sense of motivation to study hard and achieve my goals, which I have never really lost sight of – in fact, I see them clearer than ever, despite how melodramatic that may sound.
It was also a night of subconscious existential crises occurring within my wasteland of private thoughts. It will only be next year when I say goodbye to the second home I will have known for six years, and then I’ll take the exams, and then I’ll have a three month break (in a month and a half after I take my last exam, I will probably be up all night dying to find out what my ATAR is) and then I’ll be waiting by having multiple panic attacks and seizures for the first round of offers… then I’ll grow up, I won’t be sixteen in my heart anymore, I’ll never be seventeen again, I’ll be much older…
It’s all very hard to think about. But Mocktail Night helped me realise my dream even further, and allowed me to understand my personal desires in a way that I could not have done alone. Thank you.
Thank you for listening to me ramble…I truly appreciate you having taken the time to do so. Perhaps I will ramble on about something more enjoyable later…
I’ll be awake for a long time studying now. Sleep does not entice me. It is the golden, sweet taste of the fruits of success blossoming upon my tongue that I crave …