240: Temporary Freedom
I love this feeling. This feeling of no restrain, no constriction, nothing holding me back. It’s an illusion, obviously, but it’s so wonderful. I am only truly free tomorrow after my English is over, but so what? I’m allowed to enjoy a little early freedom.
I love this feeling. It’s the closest feeling to falling in love again, except there’s no one I’m in love with and yes, I consider myself emotionally unavailable. Hm. But this kind of freedom is so wonderful to revel in, that I forget about being unemotionally available for a while. I just get to think happy thoughts, be in a daze, do whatever I want, not care about anything in the world. Like I’m sixteen again. Like I can be asleep and awake at the same time, and no one would care to tell me about it except me. I can make my own daydreams dreams if I wanted to. I could do whatever I want. I’m in that haze where no one can touch me. I love it.
It’s the closest I’ve been to sheer happiness without a reason for being happy. But we don’t need a reason to be happy. We don’t need a reason for anything. We like it just the way it is. Being sixteen again, not seventeen.
I’ll have to go back being seventeen tomorrow morning, oh well.