241: Letters to No One (2)
What does it feel like to be emotionally unavailable? I feel like I’m not using it properly to describe how I feel.
Like, I could do things and feel emotionally detached? I don’t know. But it means I’m not ready for a relationship.
I say that a lot, don’t I?
Well, when I finish my finals, the first thing I’m going to do is wake up. Wake up. Really, wake up. Bare my heart to the world. Bare my soul like I’ve never done before. Fall in love wildly. Get hurt like crazy, because heartbreak is so painful, it’s borderline pleasurable. Sicko I am. It doesn’t get easier though, or any less insane.
I’ll really open my heart up. I’ll be the girl I’ve always wanted to be, a girl who can fall in love and be happy with reality instead of being let down by images and illusions. Hold on, really? I don’t know. Love seems fun. But I don’t want a part of it now. But I’ll definitely want so much in the end. Wherever the end is.
See you in university.