277: Oh, Just Kidding
I was right. I always find something to be angry about every day.
Right after I posted 276, I decided to go through my spam folder. If the boy from the past is still reading this, well, I guess you didn’t honour your promise, not that I cared, since we don’t exist to each other anymore, right, and I don’t blame you for being still curious if this girl is alive, really.
Man, oh man, I found your emails. You sneaky bastard. I deleted them after reading them once. I don’t need a second read through or a reminder of who you are. Oh, you were the one who blocked me first? I don’t remember ever feeling like I had been blocked by you. Actually, I was in such a hurry to delete you from my life that perhaps I didn’t notice. Oh, you want to pay me back? Thanks, but no thanks. For me, I like to look at it as if I paid for a movie ticket by myself and went to see the movie myself. If you want to pay me back, you’d have to meet me in real life. And I’ve had enough of you, lol. I’ve had enough of you to last me three lifetimes on this planet. I don’t really remember the rest of your messages. A lot of blaming yourself, more apologies than I’ve ever apologised to my mother about something, a lot of depression and sadness and yeah stuff I can’t handle because of who you are. While I like to be depressed and sad, your style just puts me off my simultaneously the best and worst moods. Boy, you make me so mad. Please don’t ever reply to anything I ever say on my blog ever again, if you’re still reading this. Seriously, it is over. The escapade is over. The story’s final chapter is the one I write, not you. Stop emailing me. Delete my email. You’re such a soft, kind-hearted boy. You fail to see the evil I harbour in me. I told you myself that I was toxic, but you ignored me. Now you’re poisoned, too. You tell me that you’re sorry because you were toxic, too. God, if you trying to guilt-trip me into going to a movie that I joked about going to with you is your definition of toxic, you aren’t ready to see the hurt I’ve caused numerous times to people I love where I didn’t know I was causing that pain. And you sure as hell aren’t ready to see the hurt I cause to my closest ones intentionally with such purposeful hatred and toxicity. It’s nearly killed me. I told you not to get close. Maybe I didn’t. I warned you that I was a bad person. You ignored me.
Well, while I’m thinking about that, my anger subsides. I try not to be a bad person. There is good and bad in all of us, it’s which wolf we choose to feed that shows in our personality. I overfeed the evil wolf at night and when I’m around you. Thank you for taking me out of your life. I would’ve poisoned your soul even further just to push you away.
Oh, just kidding. I found a reason to be angry today.