290: Slice of Life
Usually a bore, the same thing every 2 weeks, although not quite the same. I started my day off with provocatively depressing Korean love ballads rather than my usual funky French tunes. I felt so moody, so reflective…maybe it’s because lately everything and nothing has been happening. Daily struggles, mundane lives, crushed dreams, an obsession with phantasmagoria, everything yet nothing. How hard are we working to the next milestone in our lives?
I’ve been so caught up in everything and nothing. Rarely do I have a few minutes to myself to really think about other things that aren’t my life right now, things that aren’t quite relevant. I can’t even bring myself to remember the boy’s face from last Thursday. I just remember thinking that he was actually not all that repulsive, quite sweet on the contrary, and that he had a nice set of teeth. I don’t remember his face, barely remember his name, only remember the thoughts I had of him. I think I would be able to pick him out if I saw him again though.
Then last Tuesday, someone came back into my life again. We never talk, and now we talk every three days or something, more frequently than we ever have over the last few years. Soon he’ll be graduating. Soon I’ll be in the deep end. It’s all so overwhelming, really. Only a lone bus ride would bring out all these silly thoughts. How much would I post during the next year of my life? Probably the occasional 30-second poem, possibly timed stream of consciousness? Of course, stream of consciousness never really stops, but –
Tonight I have great things planned. Hopefully I can carry them out. To anyone I’ve ever loved in my life, I’ve loved you hard and I lost you, but life always plans the most unexpected for us to somehow meet or think of each other again, even if the original passion and wonderment and innocence isn’t there. I hope I can find your heart again, our hearts together, some time in the far off future. Or maybe we’ll both meet someone new. I don’t know. This isn’t the right time to catch or rekindle feelings. Only that the thing is, the new last thought that’s on my mind is rekindling our relationship.