355: Man of My Dreams (Drabble)
Having come to me in the most unexpected time, yet most timely. The man of my dreams, you made my dream a reality so now I live in a permanent dream…the line between dream and reality is so distorted that it may as well be all the same. I dream of seeing you, messaging you even though apparently you’re not supposed to dream of your phone, but I see your name on my phone screen, clear as day, typing messages to me. We speak of things we normally would speak about when I’m awake. So when I wake and reach for my phone, those messages have disappeared…along with any memories of the words. The indelible conversations we have are fodder for my imagination, my preservation of memory.
The man of my dreams, once formless and faceless now has a figure and face, and so much more. You were first a construct I made one night when I pined for the perfect man. There is a list of criteria floating somewhere in the recesses of my mind, wandering, the boxes checked, additional boxes that appear which weren’t there before. On those nights we have quiet disputes, I throw myself onto my bed wondering, are you still the man of my dreams? I think of the past, the mistakes I made, the people who changed me, the person I was before I met you. There is no one better suited to the role of my significant other.
Of course when you read this you may be thinking, is she lucid again? Perhaps. The liberation of assessments makes me a free child. The shackles binding my imagination have vaporised. The feelings, the emotions, the sentiments I have had bottled up during the assessments are now rushing forth in a flurry of posts slowly written in the dead of night.
I have never felt so alive in my life. My day significantly improves at the thought of you, the prospect of seeing you after a long time without. You kindle a fire within me that can only be snuffed by death. I live for your embraces, your kisses, your beautiful smile. My heart flutters at the thought of wrapping my arms around you and closing my eyes as I pull you closer to me, running my fingers through your hair, feeling you hold me as I hold you. We are not simple people, our desire for pleasure less so. Even though we are slaves to time, time stops for us when we kiss. Thank you for the beautiful firework displays. I wish you could see them with me. You probably are, but we’ve never talked about it. We’re too lost in the moment, lost in the heat of the intimacy.
I must be lucid again, but I speak from the heart. I have never loved anyone as arduously as I have you, and I will never again. I shall never meet the likes of you again. So it is imperative that we stay for each other. I love you. The last thing on my mind before I go to sleep, the first thing on my mind when I wake, the only thing on my mind as I think in the past, the present, the future.
To the man of my dreams, thank you for restoring my faith in love, my faith in the brilliance of life, my faith in everything I used to brush aside with fierce skepticism. I will never love you quietly. Where is that post I made about wondering what kind of love I had? Somewhere on the blog. You love me with a unique passion I cannot describe simply with a few adjectives and cleverly chosen literary techniques. I can only tell you that I wish to love you passionately, philosophically, intimately…I love all of you. Ah, you’re doing it again. Arousing my excitement every time I think of you. My love. The love of my life.
You are the man of my dreams.
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