394: Flaws in Flaws (SOC)
Lately the brain chatter has been quiet. The last two, three weeks, the brain hasn’t had time to think about things other than school. The two weeks before an exam block is always filled with dread, the desire to pursue dreams, relationship becoming priority #1.5 instead of #1 (though I feel like it should always be on par with my dreams, because he is important to me, and I to him).
I love him, you know? I think I say that too often. The most important thing is recognising your significant other has flaws and accepting them, and not being in love with the person he has the potential to be because you should be in love with him now as he is 🙂 Yeah admittedly I’ve had a few moments where I felt like I was crumbling, but truly, being able to see past the flaws really helps.
He dislikes his eyebrows. I offered to thread them (even though I don’t actually know how). He declined politely. He doesn’t like his nose either. But I think it’s cute, since it’s almost like mine. He dislikes his physique. I don’t really mind in truth because I’m not here for what his physique is like.
I’m starting to sound like a teenager blinded by love. Oh god what if I am-
But I also have my own flaws. I think too far ahead into the future, which scares off people and makes people have second thoughts about themselves. Their second thoughts become my second thoughts, my third, my fourth. And everybody ends up unhappy until something is done to fix it. Brain chatter chatter chatter
I don’t think I’m allowed to say I’m happy for now. I’m content. I wouldn’t want to be anybody else, because the only life I’ve led and experiences I know are my own. I know when I was younger I’d always say, I wish I was like this girl because she’s got a great figure, and I wish I was like that girl because she is much more intelligent than me, but honestly? I don’t really mind so much that I’m not skinny and that I’m not as intelligent as others. If my honey can love me for who I am, then surely I can too. I’m working on loving myself though. It’s a thing I have to work on, both for him and myself. I’ve struggled for nearly eighteen years, but surely it can’t be that bad anymore when I have my friends and I have my honey.
Though I’m sorry in advance that you’ll get teased by your friends and other boys in your cohort. I was a wild girl and they still know me as that wild girl, but you know so much more. You’ve seen more than that wild girl. You’ve seen me in so many moments that they’ll never see. And you will see me in so many more that no one in the public eye will get to see.
So yeah I guess the tease will be short-lived, but I’ll always stick around.