414: Let’s Be Friends
The days that pass suck a little less. It still sucks when I wake up in the morning and the first thing on my mind is him. I’ve browsed subreddits like /r/relationships and /r/relationships_advice for so long towards the end and even after the relationship was gone. After seeing all my friends who were in loving relationships now broken up, I am starting to lose my faith in this thing called love. I’ve never had a good relationship with the concept either.
I think I’m healing, quite slowly, though. I am thinking of reaching out and being friends again, but I’m not sure when. August? October? I have a feeling August is the right window, but I don’t know. I miss him. I don’t think I want him back, but I can’t kid myself. Sometimes I do want him back, but that means all the sadness and confusion will follow us again, and other times I know it’s for the best. It’s all so confusing to me. I’m even wondering what I should say. Hey, how are things with you? I miss you. Ah, no I can’t say that. Let’s catch up, it’s been a while? Who knows. I can’t stop thinking about it. I shouldn’t get in contact just to rekindle old feelings because I know he’s not interested in me anymore. I’m too scared to check his Steam activity. Because I know he’s still playing and life is going on without me. Life will get better, even if it’s possibly without me, he said.
I’m confused and sometimes there is no clear answer. I miss him. I skipped days of school suffering one of the greatest heartbreaks in my life. The last time I saw him was April 24, our birthday date. And then, never again. And then, I will see him on Thursday of Week 7 for senior dodgeball challenge. I don’t know what to think. Will I heal by then? Probably not.
This no contact thing is for our own good. I don’t want to forget you completely so maybe I will try to be friends again, because I do enjoy doing activities with you. Even if the romance is dead. This sounds like I’m trying to get him back, kind of, which is stupid. Sigh.
Exam block next week…yay…
I have not known a full winter with him, nor a full winter without him.