427: Kemple (Recovery)

427: Kemple (Recovery) 

Not his real name. Took it from a movie script I was reading a while back.

Kemple is a sweet and genuine guy in my grade who goes to the boys’ school. I met him in coaching school in junior high (?). I can’t remember, but he was in my year 10 classes at one tutoring place I used to go. Anyway I recently started speaking to him again. What a fun guy! Ambitious, genuine, knows what he wants, inspirational, the lot. What a good friend to have. Kemple also takes French Continuers, so occasionally we’ll text each other in French.

So wholesome. He has sweet music taste, too. Old school.

Hmm, I’m speaking too much for one day. I like Kemple. Kemple is a good guy.

 

~ Serendipitous

416: Heize

416: Heize

I discovered this wonderful Korean rapper Heize through a Youtube mix playlist of Keith Ape’s It G Ma which is one of Alex’s favourite “leet” songs, so I decided to give this genre a try although I usually like listening only to Beenzino or Zico. I can’t listen to Beenzino for a while because of the sentiment I’ve attached to the songs from before, way back when, so yeah…

She’s so lovely and pretty! She has good songs too. I’ve been playing her songs non-stop on Spotify. I wish I could go to her concert event on July 1, but who’s preparing for trials then 😦

Hahaha

 

~ Serendipitous

And July is my favourite song right now.

409: Intoxicated

409: Intoxicated

I think I am drunk, but I’m not sure. Maybe a light buzz. While I was taking sips I was feeling these warm tingling feelings in my ears, in the soles of my feet, blossoming warmth in my chest, my throat on kind of embers. I had a big glass of wine. My sister said it was two standard drinks.

I took a shower afterwards and I think it’s worn off. My family is mostly made up of people with high alcohol tolerance. So I think I kind of have high alcohol tolerance but after calling my honey maybe not and my fingers are shaking typing this. Maybe it’s because it’s freezing and I don’t have enough clothes on.

Honey was laughing when I was drunk off my ass. I could hear him laughing but I just couldn’t do anything but spill out all my thoughts and yes I remember everything I said I told him how I feel about him and everything that happened in my day in full detail and I love him but he probably doesn’t love me as much as I love him but I’ll fix that I know I can hahahaha I am a drunk fool for believing that

I am so fragile. I just turned eighteen. Hello adult world. This is going to be tough to navigate. Please don’t give me a hangover. I got school tomorrow, full day and two periods of maths. And I am not even seeing my honey. He’s got that science project he’s got to finish. Call me back honey I love you! I’m not even that drunk anymore. My heart is just pounding some furious, but that’s about it.

White wine. I tried white wine. Tastes weird and disgusting but the feelings it gives me, man…give me more of that. I’d drink the whole 4.5L carton if I were depressed.

 

~ Serendipitous

Tl;dr good birthday. No one sang happy birthday to me but I don’t care. Most of my friends didn’t even say happy birthday to me until way after school. Whatever. My honey said it first. Well technically, Angela said it first, but she was 6 days early. So my honey said it first. I love my honey! Love me too. Love it. Eighteen is going to be a bittersweet ride. No more alcohol until after HSC, I guess. Eeek.

Ohhh yeah and who’s that fucker who keeps commenting on my posts (you can’t see them because I didn’t approve them).

poiuytrewq000 – you fucker come out I don’t know who the fuck you are but show yourself. I tracked your IP address and apparently you’re in Chifley, wherever that is. But IP trackers are terribly inaccurate. What’s with the throwaway email address savonna77@c7fk99.com ? Who are you?!?!?! What do you want from me?! There are only two guys I’ve ever kissed. And it isn’t either of them. Own the fuck up. Norman? I don’t even know. How can I leave someone and how can I think of you if I don’t know who you even are??? Confused.

Yeah I should sign off. Eighteen is lit. So is alcohol. Don’t drink too much. Good grades are important. I still want to get into dental school.

11.33 pm April 27 2017

Yeah what the fuck April 27 is really mundane. No one really has this birthday and no one really remembers what happens except for me because it’s my birthday and it was just a normal day of school and everyone went about their business and you know what the only good thing was, coming home to a cake my dad slaved over and alcohol and my family gathering and my honey calling me and laughing when I was drunk. People are fun. You’re fun. I love people. But in all honesty I was just glad there wasn’t a lot of attention on me. All good. I should stop drunk ranting.

Oh man what’s that Hemingway thing, write drunk, edit sober. Fuck yeah. I should do that. I fucking love Hemingway. I love literature. Honey let’s read together. Come into my world, and my crib. I’ll show you everything. I’ll open you up to life. Fuck yeah. Ok I should sign out for realll

 

407: Carousel

407: Carousel

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel like life was just one big carousel, going around and around on a wooden horse and feeling alive, but also feeling dead at times.

Today I want to go on the carousel. The music, the lights, the painted horses. With my honey. His smile, his laugh, his whistles make the carousel just a little more enjoyable. I fear that the carousel will accidentally malfunction and shut off or throw me, blindside me, but the thought of him there to rescue me, to rescue ourselves, is all I need to keep riding on the carousel.

 

~ Serendipitous

Fucking 6 days left until school starts fuuuuck

405: Helplessness

405: Helplessness

There is this lake that I know of. That we know of, actually. Sometimes I visit it alone, sometimes he visits it alone, but over the last few days I’ve accompanied him when he pays a visit. I take a lot of walks, but sometimes I stumble upon the lake when I least expect it. Not today, though. We come to the lake together and I beg him not to go too deep because the last time I did alone, I almost drowned. He barely registers my words as he dives in, still clothed. I don’t have time to strip or hesitate, so I dive into the water, too, and it’s damn cold but so is he, and I feel like today I might lose him forever. I told you I’d love you like I’m going to lose you, but today that’s what it is, that I still love you so ardently but you always want to find out what is at the bottom of the lake, even if it is at the cost of your life.

Honey, you swim so fast that I can barely keep up. My vision was blurry to begin with, but the gap between us widens and soon you are nothing but a blur in what seems to be a far off distance. I know you’re still going down to the bottom, but why? I came with you in the hopes of convincing you that you didn’t need to swim all the way down, that there is nothing down there except death and the bones of those who sought the bottom but received eternal sleep instead. You escape my vision and my swimming speed slows and slows until I feel like the water is overflowing my lungs and the bubbles are filling my sight instead. I grab at my throat begging for the air that will never come. I beg for us. I’m not ready to die. We still had so many days left together.

I don’t want my last memory to be of you abandoning me so you could wallow in your pit of sadness. I feel so helpless, knowing I can’t reach out to you and help you, because you refuse my help, because you don’t know how to fix it, but I’m trying, and you won’t let me.

Honey. You’re not the only one suffering in the lake. We’re both running out of oxygen.

 

~ Serendipitous

Please. Let me help you.

399: Yesterday Once More

399: Yesterday Once More

I cried like a fucking baby. I thought this was a tragicomedy to start out with, but it was actually just tragic at the end. Though I shouldn’t spoil.

This film is about a girl who comes first in the class and she’s class monitor as well and there’s this dropkick in her class she looks down upon, but then for one of the big tests she cheats and he covers for her. Cue the rest of the story.

The group chat was lit and then this film got suddenly linked by one of my good friends. Well, I needed a break of some sort after half yearly exam block, so I’m sacrificing sleep and living my dreams, watching movies.

To be honest, this movie pushes so many Asian stereotypes, which made me feel uncomfortable but it was sort of relatable. I mean of course, I have suffered my own form of tiger mum syndrome, but that’s such a small part of the film that it becomes overlooked once you look back on the film as a whole.

God you have to see it for yourself. It’s the same thing with Suddenly Seventeen. It’s something you should watch if you’re about to graduate high school or suffer an existential crisis.

Honey, I miss you! And I love you! And this film is another sign telling me that if I study hard enough and make my dreams come true, then we can be happy together, too. Maybe that’s just my seventeen year old self being idealistic and hopelessly romantic again.

I CRIED LIKE A BABY. NOTHING SET ME OFF AS MUCH AS THE ENDING SCENES DID.

 

~ Serendipitous

NB: From top to bottom, Vietnamese subs, Chinese Mandarin subs, English subs. Whatever works for you. When I wasn’t watching the film I would listen out for the actual language (I was lowkey multitasking) but when I was watching I looked at the English subs. I’m a fake Chinese Mandarin girl, I’m ABC but I will invest time after HSC to read, write and speak like a true native LOL

398: Suddenly Seventeen

398: Suddenly Seventeen

My friend in English was not exactly paying attention in class. Actually, neither was I, for my eyes were focused on her screen. She was watching this Chinese film, but she was watching it for the pretty red dress the lead female wore. The sweetheart neckline was amazing; the colour was so vibrant and popped on-screen.

So I came home, slept, and wasted spent a large part of my evening viewing the film Suddenly Seventeen (there is a copy on YouTube, I will link it after my signature). I thought of my honey the whole time I was watching this and I felt just as devastated as Liang when her boyfriend of ten years broke up with her over a phone call as she was chasing him by car. I shiver thinking about it.

Ok, so Liang (lead female) is twenty-eight years old, living a good life with a perfect, handsome boyfriend and a really awesome best friend. It’s been ten years and she thought he was going to propose, but he was so pre-occupied with work that he had basically neglected her and a few scenes later he suggests they break up in a soft but firm voice (it makes my blood boil).

But I shouldn’t spoil the whole thing. Basically there are some magic chocolates that psychologically reverts her back to seventeen years old and she lives as a seventeen year old for five hours every time she ingests one of these chocolates. You should probably watch it when you get time (1 hour 38 minutes viewing time). It really puts into perspective the existential crisis you’re bound to go through, and encourages you to make better decisions when you’re younger so that the future you is happier.

I would have cried if I hadn’t spent all my tears on my honey and my future already. Of course we all make terrible decisions when we are young. I made too many mistakes before I was sixteen and some of them come back to haunt me sometimes. I just don’t want to wake up when I’m twenty-eight and realise my life is shit.

Honey, I’m sorry and I promised I wouldn’t think past November this year. But the film taught me a great deal, and I thought of a few things in the distant future, your life, my life, things I won’t talk about with you until much later. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching romantic films and dramas after I met you, it’s that communication is key, and not to believe everything that one sees in fiction. I accept that we are both humans who constantly change, and the person you were last week isn’t exactly the same person I spoke to last night, and that’s okay with me. Just as you once said to me, as long as the person I will change into isn’t outlandish, you will still continue to love me. That goes for you too. I will still continue to love you even if you aren’t the same person who shared a blissful two months of pure honeymoon happiness with me before the haze cleared.

 

~ Serendipitous

There are English subtitles if you don’t speak Mandarin!! There are also Chinese subs on top of the English 😀 Even though the title of the video is 17 Again – Chinese Edition, it really is called Suddenly Seventeen. Just a side note.